Goat Simulator: Review
Goat Simulator is a bad game, but knowing that makes it somehow OK. The title of the game is slightly misleading, as it is neither a “simulator” nor a farming game. You control an invincible billy-goat with a long tongue on his destructive rampage through a small developing community. Almost everything that can be seen is destructible such as shacks, fences, cars, trucks, toys, innocent bystanders, and whatever. The goal is to combine mayhem and cause as much chaos as you can (kind of like trying to cause the biggest wrecks in the early Burnout games). The key is knowing your surroundings and timing everything to get the most out of the multipliers. This is not easy to do, however, with a little time and luck you can quickly pull off amazing stunts.
If you played Just Cause 2 you will find some similarities; instead of a grappling hook you have a long sticky tongue, and instead of being a fearless daredevil bent on taking on drug lords and corrupted politicians you are a chaos causing goat who wants to bring on Armageddon. What I learned from Goat Simulator is that goats might be the most dangerous creatures on earth. After head butting and sticking my tongue to everything I could find, I found myself bored after about an hour. Hardcore achievement hunting and testing new player created mods are what will keep me coming back to this game. However don’t look for any storyline or explanations on who this goat is, or why it seems sensible to attach him to a rocket; it’s best to laugh at the awkward physics and creepy soundtrack, don’t let it keep you up at nights.
Goat Simulator was appropriately released on April Fools Day and unfortunately if you paid full price for it, the joke was on you. At times it feels like a prank that has gotten out of hand. Its one of those games that could be seen as one of the worst games ever, but since we expect it to be bad we tend to put up with the limited design and wonky controls. After playing this game I felt like a hipster who goes to a fancy bar and orders a PBR because he knows drinking it would be “ironic”. With all the great titles available on Steam for under $10, it is hard for me to suggest this game to anyone who is seriously looking to spend their money. That being said, it is a perfect gift for the gamer who has everything (even though they might never play it). Goat Simulator will never be listed as one of the best games ever, but there is a sense of pride in telling your friends about the game and seeing the confused looks on their faces when you tell them that you enjoyed playing it. I can easily say that I will buy this as a gag-gift or issue a challenge to a friend after a night of drinking. But other than being “ironic” I find little purpose to this game.