#31 The Button Masher’s Perspective on…

Christmas will soon be upon us and we all know what that means.  Lots and lots of yummy video game releases and not enough time to play them all.  And in my family the Christmas rule applies, you’re not allowed to buy yourself things people might get you for Christmas from October on.  So I must wait until Christmas day to enjoy the bounty of releases.  Unfortunately this means that you, my adoring audience, will not be getting fresh, juicy new reviews until next month.  So I thought I’d entertain you with my Christmas list full of wonderful games (some of them non-existent).

Item number one is of course, Mass Effect.  As I’m sure you all know this is BioWare’s latest role playing game.  And I love BioWare’s RPG’s.  In fact I’m giving my husband an Xbox 360 just so he can give me Mass Effect.  Granted it’s not much of a surprise, but I imagine the credit card bill would have tipped him off anyway.  I remember Knights of the Old Republic and Jade Empire with a great deal of fondness (except of course of the love interests when you play as a female) so I am very much looking forward to this game.  In fact to avoid temptation, we have given the Xbox to my mother-in-law for safe keeping because we can’t trust ourselves not to open up the Xbox and start playing before Christmas.

Item number two are whatever Tekkens I don’t have.  I have Tekken 3, 4, and Tag Tournament.  I have no idea what number Tekken they are up to now but I think it’s at least 6.  Granted the Tekken series is a standard fighting game line, but I have always enjoyed them.  There is a comforting simplicity in hitting the punch button until your opponent falls down.  And I always enjoy coming up with my own interpretations of the characters’ back stories.  Any game that lets you play as a panda is a must have.  I don’t consider it worthwhile to pay full price for these games so I wait until they become “Greatest Hits” and scoop them up.

Item number three is Sam and Max Season One.  Call me old fashioned (just don’t call me old), but I prefer to buy a game and have a physical copy of it in my hand.  As a result I have yet to indulge in the sequel to one of LucasArts’ great adventure games.  I am eternally grateful to Telltale Games for reviving this license, but I wasn’t fond of the episodic releases that you had to download.  Now that they’ve collected the first six episodes in one box, I am very much looking forward to taking it up again.  I don’t hold high expectations for my performance though.  In the original, Sam and Max Hit the Road I couldn’t even start the game.  The phone rings, but I could not get either Sam or Max to answer it.  So I never learned what the mystery I had to solve was.  I’m hoping to do better this time, if for no other reason than it will be much easier to find a walkthrough when I get hopelessly stuck.

Item number four is Alpha Centauri Two.  Now I know this doesn’t exist, nor is it likely to ever be developed.  But of all of Sid Meier’s games this is my absolute favorite.  It broke my heart when I couldn’t get it to work with XP (especially since the computer I had with 2000 self destructed).  I can’t even tell you why I prefer Alpha Centauri over the Civilization games, I just enjoyed it more.  Perhaps because there was a specific “scientific” race you could play as.  So I would play as them because as G.I. Joe taught us, “Knowing is half the battle.”  I assume the other half has something to do with explosives.  Anyway, I would be willing to settle for Civilization V, but that’s not out for a few months yet.  Sigh…

Item number five is Puzzle Quest 2.  I have no idea if anyone is planning to make this game, but they really should.  I’ve played through the game half a dozen times so I need a new fix.  There is no better way to spend your commute than playing Puzzle Quest on your DS, provided you’re not driving.  New puzzles!  New skills!  New supporting characters that introduce plot points you don’t care about!

So there you have it, my Christmas list.  Well at least the video game portion.  Somehow I doubt you’re interested in the rest of it.  My desire for an electric toothbrush and new sheets is not terribly riveting.  I admit that I could come up with a dozen more video games that I want someone to make, but LucasArts adventure games are few and far between.  With any luck I’ve helped you add a few items on your list or figure out what to buy for that loved one who gets their tan from screen glare.  So Happy Holidays and I’ll see you next year.

This columnist would love to hear your thoughts on her work. All glowing praise should be sent to her via the link on our 'About Us' page. Hate mail on the other hand, should be directed to whoever cancelled production of Full Throttle Two, exactly where it belongs.