Let me just start by saying, “You’re wrong.” You’ll be hearing me say that a great deal over the coming weeks. Get used to it. Now, I’m not talking to everyone out there; some of you are (probably) intelligent enough to understand where I’m coming from. So, bearing that in mind, you people may continue on to the rest of the site and enjoy the goodness that is MyGamer.com.
Now, back to the deficient majority. I sit here and smoke my Camel Wides and sip my Coca-Cola and I wonder what’s going wrong with the world when Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas is currently America’s most popular game. I wondered about this for many hours before I came to a conclusion. Want to hear that conclusion? Of course you do, otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this. So here it is: You’re all sheep. Or retarded. Or mind controlled by Rockstar North. Well, okay, it was three conclusions. But it may be that you are all three. Did you buy the game? Did you rent it? Then I’m talking to YOU. Answer me this: Why? Why did you buy the game? Why are you playing it? What makes the game worth $50 of your money – or your parents’, if you’re a slick Willy? You people make my head hurt.
Let me lay it out in front for you: The Grand Theft Auto series has helped ruin video games. Did you read that? Go back and read it again. Finished? Good. Developers and publishers worldwide now try to emulate a game that was horrible to begin with. There is absolutely nothing original about the GTA series. Nothing. The graphics for the games have always been clippy with horrible frame rates, the mini-games are un-inspired and the sound effects and voiceovers are horrendous – at best. I’m not saying that the GTA games completely ruined video games (that particular distinction goes to Final Fantasy VII) but I’ll be damned if it isn’t helping bring the industry down around our ears. Follow along with me if you will.
Can you predict this holiday season’s three biggest selling games? Let me inform you of the winners: They’ll be GTA: San Andreas, Halo 2 and Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater (I’ll get to Halo 2 and MGS3 another time). Personally speaking I have not played GTA: SA – nor will I. There is no point; I’ve already played it, just not as an urban gang member.
GTA 3: “Mafia” styled gang member seeks revenge for something or other, goes around and shoots cops, drives cars, completes horribly inane fetch and deliver