Gamer’s Gullet: Wendy’s Breakfast Review
Impressive amount of grease included on every item
Grease could possibly help with hangovers and make you question your life choices
Use the greasy wrapper to make anything clear like that one episode of the Simpsons
Grease will eat through the wrapper
Grease can eat through the bag
Grease can stain your car seat, kitchen table, and your pride
Wendy’s, probably best known for their Frosty dessert treats and heart attack inducing baconators, is coming after McDonald’s, BK, and Taco Bell with their new line-up of breakfast items. Although the breakfast sammies available are in-line with the rest of the fast food offerings, there is one secret weapon Wendy’s provides with every item sold at no additional charge – grease!
I received a page of Wendy’s coupons randomly in the mail the other day, each providing some type of breakfast related incentive such as B1G1 deals. A few days later, I found myself driving early in the morning on a weekend, trying to avoid the Corona virus crowd at the local grocery store, when I decided to drive to the nearest Wendy’s to use these coupons and feed my hungry Saturday morning stomach. And by the way, Wendy’s restaurants are few and far between these days so the nearest one isn’t close. Which builds the hype a little more since I had to travel out of my way to get there.
Anyway, per usual these days at all establishments, only the drive through was available. After waiting for one car in front of me, I placed my order through the speaker: B1G1 sausage croissant, B1G1 sausage biscuit, 1 free black coffee, 1 free vanilla Frosty-ccino. With all the coupons, the bill was under $10. I opted to not try the breakfast baconator nor the breakfast version of their fries because I do not hate myself that much. I mean, these are depressing times but I didn’t want to venture to the dark side.
It was a good thing I waited until I got home to dig in as opposed to eating while driving. Why? The grease was out of control. And when I say the grease was out of control, I don’t just mean on the food. Each wrapper, inside and outside, was soaked in grease. Question is, how and why is the outside of the wrapper so greasy? Each sandwich was pretty greasy, so perhaps it ate through the wrapper and leaked to the outside? Possible. But you know it is an issue when there are grease stains on the paper bag containing all the breakfast items too. The wrapper is paper on the inside but foil on the outside so you would assume grease and any other artery clogging liquids would be contained… is this some kind of super grease? I am not going to rule it out. Napkins also do not do anything. You need to go to a sink and wash your hands. Water needs to be involved to clean up this mess.
First up was the croissant, a clear shot at BK’s signature breakfast item. Other than reaching level 10 on the grease scale, it is pretty much as you would expect. I would say the BK croissant is a little better but there really isn’t anything too wrong with Wendy’s version. The Wendy’s croissant is also a weird square shape instead of the more eye shaped style. I guess the circle version was used here to better accommodate the sausage disc.
The next contender is the biscuit sandwich. Also drenched in grease and melty gross cheese, the biscuit is the winner over the croissant. The biscuit itself is more flavorful than McDonald’s but not as good as Popeye’s. However, like most other biscuits available at fast food places, it is rather crumby, falling apart in a million flakes upon the first bite. If the grease wasn’t reason enough to use a plate, the crumbling biscuit is. And no, the grease does not act as a glue to hold the biscuit together like you might expect.
I also got a coffee but only because I had a free coupon. Honestly, I can’t speak much here because I am not a coffee drinker. From the three sips I had, yup, it tastes like coffee. Which tastes like hot mud water to me. Then I had the Frosty-ccino which is still strong with the coffee flavor, only slightly creamier, and not hot. I honestly expected it to be sweeter but the bitter coffee taste neutralizes it. Unless you’re big into coffee and curious about these new editions to the market, they are skippable. I do, however, appreciate Wendy’s flexing some creativity by incorporating their Frosty into another item. Maybe we can get a shot of Frosty in their chili next time? They could call it the Frosty Chili, get it? Frosty. Chilly. I know I know, my apologies.
The McDonald’s McMuffin is still king of the fast food breakfast items with the Taco Bell breakfast crunch wrap sneakily standing firm on the silver medal pedestal. But what is the Wendy’s secret breakfast weapon? You guessed it, their bonus super grease included with every item. I ate these items when I was stone sober but this could perhaps be a solid solution to the Sunday morning hangover thanks to the slathering application of grease. My fear is, if the croissant and biscuit were this greasy, how bad would the breakfast baconator be? I don’t think my heart and pride are willing to find out.
Not As Good As: you hoped
Better Than: eating any Pop-Tart
Wait For It: breakfast Hooters
By: Zachary Gasiorowski, Editor in Chief myGamer.com