Gamer’s Gullet – Taco Bell Breakfast Review

Now You Can Hate Yourself All Day! –

Giving McDonalds and Burger King a run for their money, Taco Bell has just started to play in the breakfast food category.  What exact does this have to do with games, technology, and other geeky stuff?  Nothing really, I just wanted an excuse to blog about this new processed food.

Taco Bell now serves b-fast

Ordering almost one of everything, my $16.71 bill enabled me to stuff my gullet with Taco Bell’s version of egg, sausage/steak and cheese.  Let’s break this down bite by bite.

This ball of grease will make your stomach hate you

Waffle Taco – $1.99

The highlighting item, this container based showpiece wraps eggs, cheese and sausage in a curved waffle.  The waffle has a very slight sweetness to it but isn’t really anything until you soak it down with the included syrup.  This sugary sticky liquid comes in a shallow and deceiving container but seems to be enough quantity for one entire taco.  I went with a dipping technique instead of going with a pouring maneuver so each bite retained an even distribution of syrup and didn’t soak through.  Without syrup though, this things isn’t really anything.  Just be warned that the syrup is very, very sticky and caused long syrup strings when pulling away the taco from the container. Two important things to note: this was by far the greasiest item and there is no way you can drive and eat this.  Like, this was glistening greasy as in you need to wash your hands with soap and water when finished. Napkins are required.

The crunch wrap is the sleeper hit here

AM Crunch Wrap – $2.49/$2.99(steak)

Similar to the other Crunch Wrap items found on the menu, this breakfast version is composed of egg, your choice of sausage, bacon, or steak, laced with cheese and a hash brown patty.  The kicker here is the grilled flavor of the outer tortilla and the hash brown lining.  Without the hash browns, this saucer of slop wouldn’t really be anything or justifiable of the higher cost. The rabbit turd sausages are reused in the following items as well. Pro tip, use the optional Salsa del Sol sauce. It gives it something to taste.

Like Russian Roulette but with food

Steak & Egg Burrito – $2.49

Honestly, there is not much to point out here. It is typical and what you would expect only with less flavor.  The Salsa del Sol is pretty much mandatory here.

The hash browns are the key ingredient next to the rabbit turd sausages

Sausage Melt – $1.00 & AM Sausage Taco – $1.00

Like the cancer this food will probably cause, I am lumping these two items together because they are basically the same thing expect one is flat and a little more chewy and, well, one is taco shaped. For a buck they are fine if you are just looking for something cheap and easy (insert your friend’s mom joke here).

Coffee – $1.49 Regular Size

I am not a coffee drinker so I relied on a friend for this one.  The consensus was negative, however, sitting at lower quality in terms of taste as compared to McDonalds, Dunkin, and even the Star Buckers.

It is a wrap

The only thing that was (regrettably?) not tested was the Cinniballs. Forcing myself to eat all the rest of this gross greasy goodness required a compromise somewhere I guess. Also, I am usually weary of putting balls in my mouth anyway.

Breakfast flags are a flyin’

All in all, the Waffle Taco is a stand-out if you drown it in syrup but the AM Crunch Wrap is probably the best item thanks to the grilled taste and hash coating if you don’t mind spending an extra buck.  Sure, these items are a little different from the McDonalds, BK, and Dunkin’ but they are all pretty much the same anyway – it is fast food after all. But like other Mexican food, everything here on the Taco Bell breakfast menu is essentially the same thing only in a different format.

Umm, you want me to put my mouth on that?

These new Taco Bell items are worth a shot just for the entertainment value alone.  I mean, just look at this phallic sign!  Taco Bell is labeling their big Black Cherry, or BBC for short, as their Happy Hour.

Not As Good As: actually caring about your body

Better Than: eating wet garbage

Also Try: White Castle

By: Zachary Gasiorowski, Editor in Chief myGamer.com