Peel Down to Throw Up -
Instead of focusing on their unforgettable candy empire, Wonka is dipping their toe into the ice cream realm with these new Peel-A-Pop popsicles. This Nestle owned company really should just stick with what they are good at because this is honestly one of the grossest things I have ever put in my mouth.
Not satisfied with a plain old popsicle, Wonka included a gimmick with this frozen treat that is actually its downfall; frozen treats shouldn’t try and be entertaining – they should try and actually, you know, be a tasty frozen treat. Like a banana, the eater is supposed to peel away the outside layer to reach the creamy center. The back of the packaging states to “Bite-Peel-Enjoy” but my directions are more accurate: Taste-Puke-Suicide.
The very top consists of a perforation of four edges. These edges can then be broken apart and peeled downward, again, just like a banana revealing a simple vanilla ice cream center. This particular ice cream was infused with the banana flavoring of the peel.
I have no idea how this product got passed any kind of testing phase. The only real way to accurately peel this ice cream stick is to use a pinching motion with your fingers but who wants to finger up their ice cream?! That is gross. I guess if your teeth are up to the task you can gnaw at the top then rip downward with careful precision but I have super sensitive teeth and there is no way I can actually bite into something this cold. The concept behind this catastrophe is one atrocious idea that is only backed by the nauseating flavor and texture of this external peel.
The entire thing, the peel and the center, are supposed to all be fully edible. While the creamy center isn’t as bad, the peel part is one of the most disgusting things I have ever tried to eat.
Even if you can get passed the awful mediciney banana flavoring, the texture of the peel instantly made me gag. It is kind of like Wonka is trying to mix candy, ice cream, and interactivity all in one, only to fail on every front. The peel is this wickedly appalling elastic gooey texture that no human being should ever be exposed to. I tried to eat a small portion of this exterior shell but almost instantly threw up, literally. If I had to put money on it, the texture of this peel is similar to eating a live earthworm (not that I have ever eaten a worm but I image it would be a resembling experience).
This box of 8 popsicles cost a little under $5 and I am actually so totally grossed out that I am highly considering writing Wonka and asking for my money back.
Wait, I have a better idea. Instead, I am better off spending the rest of my life trying to build a time machine to go back in time to prevent myself from eating this chilled piece of chemical vomit. I cannot get the disgusting taste out of my mouth even after a couple days have now gone by. This Peel-A-Pop will probably haunt me for the rest of my life, something getting $5 back wouldn’t fix.
My local Target only had two flavors available: grape and banana. I opted for the banana since the entire concept around this frozen summer treat is themed around the peeling aspect and thought the banana flavor would make for a better fit. But given how awful this banana version is, there is no need to try any other flavor or even consider Wonka products again.
I am now stuck with seven more popsicles. I was going to give them away to my family, friends, or even the neighbor’s dog, but I actually care about them and their well-being. These will promptly be thrown in the garbage… just after I go throw up again.
Similar To: the texture of death
Worse Than: a dentist fluoride treatment
Also Try: eating green goose poop
By: Zachary Gasiorowski, Editor in Chief myGamer.com