OK, I don't usually ifnd these things all that amusing, but the writer in me thought that some of these were just great.... :cookiemon
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
SOME OLD AND SOME NEW:
CHURCH BULLETINS
They're Back! Church Bulletins. Thank God for church ladies with
typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were
announced in church services
*The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
*The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water."
The sermon tonight "Searching for Jesus."
*Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the
recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
*Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those
things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.
*The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a
conflict.
*Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at
someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much
about you.
*Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
*Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious
pleasure to the congregation.
*For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery
downstairs.
*Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help
they can get.
*Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more
transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of
Pastor Jack's sermons.
*The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing
"Break Forth Into Joy."
*Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church.
So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
*A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music
will follow.
*At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?"
Come early and listen to our choir practice.
*Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several
new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
* Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other
items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
*Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person
you want remembered.
* The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and
gracious hostility.
*Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
*The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be
seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
*This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from
the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
*Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are
invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
*The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would
lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
*Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7PM. Please use the
back door.
*The eighth-graders w ill be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church
basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
*Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please
use large double door at the side entrance.
*The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan
last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
SOME OLD AND SOME NEW:
CHURCH BULLETINS
They're Back! Church Bulletins. Thank God for church ladies with
typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were
announced in church services
*The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
*The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water."
The sermon tonight "Searching for Jesus."
*Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the
recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
*Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those
things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.
*The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a
conflict.
*Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at
someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much
about you.
*Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
*Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious
pleasure to the congregation.
*For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery
downstairs.
*Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help
they can get.
*Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more
transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of
Pastor Jack's sermons.
*The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing
"Break Forth Into Joy."
*Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church.
So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
*A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music
will follow.
*At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?"
Come early and listen to our choir practice.
*Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several
new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
* Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other
items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
*Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person
you want remembered.
* The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and
gracious hostility.
*Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
*The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be
seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
*This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from
the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
*Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are
invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
*The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would
lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
*Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7PM. Please use the
back door.
*The eighth-graders w ill be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church
basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
*Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please
use large double door at the side entrance.
*The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan
last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours!
